Yep, I'm calling a spade, a spade. Here in Boise, Idaho, we are all fake housewives. How would we ever compare the the illustrious talents of Beverly Hills, Atlanta, New Jersey. or DC? Read on as I try writing my own, stunning bio that hopefully demonstrates the many reasons Bravo TV needs to come to Idaho and see what the rest of us fake housewives do.
First and foremost, we have to take care of our own lawn and garden. We put in our own pavers for the patio and spend time mowing the weeds (the grass doesn't grow any longer because our dogs tear up the sod trying to play catch from all the times we throw the ball for them). Of course, with two big dogs, there is an awful lot of poop to pick up (don't worry! I'm not posting a picture of that one!).
We also dress up for Halloween. Of course, our outfits are not always the cute, sexy devil witch but we tend to be a little more practical -- the husband's work clothes work just fine! Put a little gel in the hair and some eyeliner around the jawbone for some stubble and wa-la! a disguise is born. I rocked it.
Don't expect me to pay $100 for someone to color my hair! Clairol works just fine. In fact, my husband even highlights my hair so that I don't have to pay extra money. I am cheap!
(Side note here - only a crazy and insane person would take a photo of their alien-looking hair and post it in a blog - not that i am calling myself crazy or insane!)
And there there are the things we eat. I love food. I love tasty food. I love Nutella! I love eating Nutella from the jar and not sharing with anyone! The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Atlanta, New Jersey, and DC probably wouldn't be caught dead eating a jar of Nutella; however, us fakers in Boise really don't care. It tastes good so let's eat! Just don't expect me to share.
Our cooking abilities are wonderful and phenomenal. Who needs a chef when all you need is a pound of ground turkey, a diced onion, frozen corn, canned beans, and a couple of packets of chili and enchilada sauce. Top the meal with a freshly sliced avocado and you are good. When you want to take a pretty picture, put down a freshly ironed scarf with a spoon and snap the shot. Nobody needs to know you still have yesterday's meal still on the table.
Most importantly is our inane ability to admit when we make a mistake or error. We have bad days, too. Sometimes we just lift the milk container of the shelf and before you can get it into the cart it bursts open - spontaneously. Embarrassing, yes, but it happens to everyone. After looking around to see who may have witnessed this travesty, you walk out of sight by going down an aisle and turn around to take photographic evidence of the hilarity and immediately post it on Facebook.
Yes, we are fakers here. We eat, sleep, drink, color our own hair, cut our own hair, and fake the "real" life in hopes of one day being able to go onto our own Reality Television show called Fake Housewives in Boise Idaho.
