One night out of 365 days...

Dishes. When clean and in the cupboards, dishes seem nice, pretty, unobtrusive. Put food on those same dishes and leave them in the sink for someone else to wash or put in the dishwasher and the word is dark, foreboding, and ominous. At some point, every child does the dishes after dinner -- just not every child at my house (or so HE thinks).

He has the smile of an angel -- when he is sleeping.
He has the humor of a comedian -- when you get it.
He has the work ethics of -- who am I kidding? There are no work ethics.

I get the autism and that lessens the frustration -- but only to a point.

The simplest chore, such as putting the toilet paper in the drawer so the cat does not destroy it, takes 23 minutes. It actually takes 22.5 minutes to convince him that he was the one who left it out and 30 seconds to run to the bathroom, open the drawer and put the toilet paper in there. Then, there is the request to do the dishes.

Grilled cheese and tomato soup. That's what we had for dinner. One plate, one bowl, one spoon -- per person. Oh, and the griddle, knife to spread the butter, spatula to flip the sandwiches and the pot to cook the soup. Four people eating. Four plates, four bowls, four spoons, a griddle, a knife, a spatula, and a pot. 365 days that everyone else in the family has done the dishes except for the one child. What's left to put away? One pot, one griddle, one bowl, two spoons.

The end result? One argument, ten minutes, and these items still left on the counter. I could five times as many dishes during that time but I have to go back and wonder if the principle of the lesson was worth my frustration.

You're so vain...

I love you just the way you are. Seriously, I do. You're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you.

Pictures are an important part of identifying who you are, who we are. Let's face it, on the Internet, the picture is what people see and they read your blog or read your status updates and tweets--more so if you have the artistic profile picture. So how do you find the perfect picture?

Do you post the one with your eyes closed and your hand outstretched? So everyone can see all your good attributes including possible protruding nose hairs? Oh, the faux pas!

Maybe you pick the one with the big ears and the scrunched up face. Your parents took the photo of you when you were young anyway. Apparently, they were the only ones who thought it was cute. 

The "huh?" look always gets rave reviews. Actually, the game being played really portrays the correct theme of having a "Clue". 

And then there is the "Thank you for taking a picture of my butt, posting it on Facebook, and tagging me in it" picture. Priceless. Nothing further needs to be said other than "Thanks."

Anyway we look at it, we are vain. I am, you are, we all are. 

I am smarter than the average mom...

I tucked my son into bed tonight and he tried to kiss my neck with the "nom, nom, nom" sound. I dodged his kisses as it tickles too much but I was quick to quip, "I am smarter than the average mom!" This made me think, what is the average mom like?

The average mom makes homemade meals every night – from scratch. Just imagine macaroni and cheese made with elbow macaroni, gruyere and cheddar cheese, and crushed up potato chips on top, baked in the oven for an hour and half until the dish is bubbly and toasted to perfection. I guess the smarter mom buys Kraft's Cheesiest Macaroni and Cheese and spends 10 minutes making it so she can spend more time on Facebook.

The average mom spends an hour cleaning the bathroom by scrubbing the bathtub, cleaning the toilet bowl, wiping down the sides of the toilet, sanitizing the sink and counters, and mopping the floor. That does not even include the time spent shaking out the bathmats and washing the towels. I guess the smarter mom realizes germs are germs so why clean the bathroom.

The average mom taxis kids all about town for football, soccer, and drama. Play dates are scheduled weeks in advance and every sports and theater event is attended. I guess the smarter mom sweet talks her husband into driving everywhere because she does the grocery shopping (it takes so much time to plan those microwaveable dinners).

The average mom does laundry on Wednesdays and Saturdays. On Wednesday the bedding is washed and Saturday is spent ironing the dress shirts for the husband. I guess the smarter mom just buys new clothes so her time isn't wasted doing the laundry.

The average mom leaps over buildings in a single bound, dodges bullets, and stops trains. The smarter mom teleports, stops the bullets before they are discharged, and never boards the train. Yep, I am smarter than the average mom.